Dear Reader,

I said yes. Too quickly. Again.

And here I am, looking at the pile of broken glass, wondering what I could have done differently.

Isn't it ironic that I'm a facilitator who literally teaches people how to work together. And still, I fell into the oldest trap in the book.

Someone invited me to collaborate on something exciting. I felt flattered. My gut told me to slow down, to have a real conversation about how we'd work together. But I didn't want to be the difficult one. Well.... I didn't want to be seen as the difficult one. So I jumped right in.

No conversation about communication styles. No alignment on principles or boundaries. Just straight into the what, completely skipping the how.

Despite the pain it caused, I learned important lessons:

1. If we align on how we want to work together, we can deal with any what.

But I compromised on the how from the start. I assumed we were aligned because we were enthusiastic and respected each other's work. I told myself we'd figure it out as we went. Classic people-pleasing disguised as being "easy to work with."

Looking back, the signals were there. It was never about the work but about how they worked.

2. How one does one thing shows how they do everything.

If someone is vague in scheduling, they’ll be vague in decision-making. If they’re reactive in communication, they’ll be reactive under pressure.

3. Don't assume alignment.

The conversation that feels awkward at the start prevents the pile of broken glass later. Enthusiasm about the what doesn't mean you're aligned on the how. As facilitator, we must know that it's our task to make the implicit explicit.

I don't regret the collaboration. I regret not having had harder conversations earlier about the how. I regret having cared more about being liked than being clear about how I need to work.

So, next time, I'll be difficult. From the start. Because that's actually the kindest thing I can do - for them, and for me.

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🎙 Meanwhile, on the podcast…

Not all clowns hide sadness behind a painted smile. Some wear their emotions on their sleeve, with earnest, overt authenticity, and deep self-awareness!

After taking a sign language course, Suzanne Dietz discovered how freeing it was to express herself through non-verbal communication – and it soon changed the course of her life. Hanging up her traditional facilitation hat and swapping it for a red nose, she now brings joy to the lives of asylum seekers and the elderly as a talented care clown.

Together, we unravel the wondrous world of non-verbal facilitation: from improvisation and silent connection, to letting go of performance, and developing a sharpened sense for the unspoken.

Find out about:

• The unexpected similarities between facilitators and clowns
• The non-verbal craft of clowning, the cues, and the communication form
• How Suzanne expresses and plays with emotions with authenticity
• How clowning can sharpen our intuition, and reveal emotional clarity in both ourselves and others

🎧 Click here to listen to the interview

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📥 Check out my 1-page summary

​WW_Episode_350-summary.pdf​

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🎧 Join the next podcast club gathering

While counting down the final episodes of workshops work until it's retirement on December 31st, I am inviting you to join me on Substack where I am creating a Podcast Club: https://myriamhadnes.substack.com/​

In January, we will gather around the theme of Polarisation in Facilitation.

​Click here to sign up for free.

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That’s it from my side! I hope you enjoy the content and find inspiration in the stories and podcast. I wish you clarity in your collaborations and the courage to name your how before you step into the what. I'll see you next week.

Myriam

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