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What does it cost to be yourself — at work?

I write about the gap between who we are at work and who we are when we put down the professional mask. Every week, I share one personal story from my life and a podcast conversation with someone who dared to write their own script, choosing authenticity over performance. The podcast is called Unprofessionalism. Each episode comes with a 1-page summary, in case you'd rather read than listen.

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Following our Real Voice || 🎤 Episode 019 with Cathey Armillas

Hi Reader, I spent my weekend with a group of strangers to whom I told the most personal story - one that not even my closest friends would be aware of. The shaking of my hands stopped as soon as I started. I didn't need notes because this was my story. While I am used to speaking to groups of strangers, I usually stand there with a specific role: the facilitator. This time, nobody knew about what I was doing from nine to five. All they knew about me was this one story. And wow, that felt...

Hi Reader, Last weekend, I went back to my hometown for the 25th anniversary of high school graduation. I prepared by reading old letters I found in a dusty box, handwritten by friends in 1995. I was terrified. Thrown back to an old version of myself: Puberty-me, who was definitely not too cool for school, who wanted to impress others by smoking too young and drinking too much. Nothing to be proud of, really. But when we finally met and hugged and chatted and laughed, I noticed that the...

Hi Reader, While cycling in the sun, enjoying my free Wednesday, it suddenly hit me like a sharp stone: Over the past five months I’ve been splitting my identity into tidy boxes that wouldn't overlap. Displaying old Facilitator-me on Substack, while the other part of me hatched a new narrative around Unprofessionalism. Unprofessionalism-me tries to write a book and challenges her own professionalism. And suddenly, I look at myself and think how damn professional of me! Isn't it the most...

Hi Reader, Yesterday was Tuesday, but it felt like a Friday. I am about to wrap things up, clear the decks and get everything in order before shutting the computer. The only reason I am doing this is the fact that tomorrow is Wednesday, and I've decided that Wednesday is now retirement day. Yes! I'm retiring. Not entirely, but for 20%, one day per week. For the next few weeks I'm prototyping what it might feel like to have one full day a week that belongs to no client, no deliverable,...

Hi Reader, In German, there’s a saying about our eyes sometimes being bigger than our stomach. I’ve been wondering if the same can happen with creative ideas. For almost a year, I’ve been working on my book. I chose a Choose Your Own Adventure format. A business novel where you, the reader, make decisions for the main character. Learning leadership not through frameworks, but through lived consequences. I still think the idea is… quite brilliant. But somewhere along the way, I realised...

Hi Reader, I'm just returning from a retreat with Paula Short, who has been on the workshops work podcast. A facilitator I deeply respect. By the end of day two, a sudden insight made me almost laugh out loud. I am actually here. In the past — at workshops, retreats, anything that overlapped with my professional world — I would have had my facilitator hat glued on. I'd be observing the design, taking notes on the process, reading the room at the meta level. From a safe distance, carefully...

Hi Reader, Do you speak to yourself as you speak to your best friend? I often don't. I noticed how I would get upset with myself when I don't perform as I want to, when tasks take longer or when I don't show up as the person I want to be. I call myself names that I wouldn't use for my friend. You might recognise it: pondering over something we said, an email we maybe shouldn't have sent, a moment we keep replaying. Voices debating in our heads. It's no news. But this week, I am trying...

Hi Reader, I was supposed to be back in Amsterdam a week ago. Our flight was cancelled due to the war; then, rerouting via the US, we were refused boarding: apparently you need a visa to transit. One of the most expensive lessons I've learned. If I had been told I could extend my time in sunny Australia by a week, I might have been happy to arrange more "last times": one more beach, more friends, more gelato. But once my trip was extended by circumstances I didn't choose, it became difficult...

Hi Reader, We've spent the last three months travelling through Australia, sleeping in other people's Airbnb spaces. Now that we're heading back home, we looked back and noticed a pattern that had nothing to do with the luxury of the places or their price tag. Some places felt like home. Others felt like hotel rooms dressed up as home. I can put the places in two categories. The perfectly "Instagrammable" ones: beautiful interiors, cold drinks waiting in the fridge, hosts having thought of...

Hi Reader, Last weekend, a former German president said something unusual on live television and when I read about it in the German News, I was thinking: Unprofessionalism at its best! Joachim Gauck, 84 years old, was asked about the current political situation and while everyone expected a yes-or-no answer in the logic of political debate, he said: "A crack runs through me." He described holding two perspectives, two truths that pull in opposite directions. His language was unusually...