I'm a recovering academic who uses her insights from behavioural economics to develop methods that facilitate collaboration. In my weekly newsletter, I share the summary of my latest interview on the "workshops work" podcast along with an application of facilitation as a life and leadership skill.
The Cost of People Pleasing || 🎙️ Episode 341 on Motivational Interviewing with Jeff Wetherhold
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Dear Reader, Have you ever noticed how your body knows you're trying to please someone before you do? It hit me when I was sitting in the coaching chair, across from my colleague Mark Walsh. Within minutes we notice something I hadn’t realised: my body is leaning forward, eager, as if I was rushing ahead of myself. That forward-lean isn’t just posture. That's the manifestation of people pleasing. And I thought I was 'recovering' 😅 I used to consider people-pleasing a minor issue, harmless, maybe even generous. Now, I cannot stop but seeing the magnitude and absurdity: People pleasing assumes we know what will please the other. We adjust, soften, exaggerate, or polish ourselves, all in service of this assumption. Who are we to know?? And it comes at a cost: While we try to “make it easy” for the other, we remove the chance to meet in something more raw, more real. What are we really doing when we try to please? Avoid conflict? Dismiss ourselves? That's the real cost: the energy it drains, the authenticity it hides, the genuine connection it prevents. I felt how much of it is physical. The leaning forward. The pro-active reaching out. There are times when that serves me well - although this now sounds almost manipulative. So I try to think of moments where it pays off to sit back: Breathe, listen. Instead of wondering what would please the other person, how they may judge me and what they might think, I can focus on being. Myself. Soon, I’ll be exploring this less polished version of myself in two new places: on the Unprofessionalism podcast (first episodes out in January) and inside Mark Walsh’s Flourishing Facilitators community, where I’ll be offering monthly masterclasses. Curious to join? 🎙 Meanwhile, on the podcast…As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. And master of change Jeff Wetherhold is no stranger to this. He helps teams and leaders to create long-lasting, sustainable change not by plans, great intentions, or illusions of control, but through the beautiful simplicity of conversation! He joins me in the podcast chair to share his 20 years of motivational interviewing wisdom: from having the courage of your conviction, to asking open-ended questions, listening deeply, and understanding the signals that people are ready to change. If you’re feeling fatigued from plans that keep falling flat, an hour with Jeff is everything you need to feel inspired and start leading intentional change that lasts! Find out about:
🎧 Click here to listen to the interview📥 Check out my 1-page summary 👀 Watch the unedited interview on Youtube 🚧 Behind the scenesFrom January 2026, the workshops work podcast will become the Unprofessionalism podcast and you can help me shape it in two ways:
That’s it from my side! I hope you enjoy the content and find inspiration in the stories and the podcast. I wish you honest connections this week — even if they feel a little less pleasing. Myriam
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How can we facilitate collaboration?
I'm a recovering academic who uses her insights from behavioural economics to develop methods that facilitate collaboration. In my weekly newsletter, I share the summary of my latest interview on the "workshops work" podcast along with an application of facilitation as a life and leadership skill.
Dear Reader, I said yes. Too quickly. Again. And here I am, looking at the pile of broken glass, wondering what I could have done differently. Isn't it ironic that I'm a facilitator who literally teaches people how to work together. And still, I fell into the oldest trap in the book. Someone invited me to collaborate on something exciting. I felt flattered. My gut told me to slow down, to have a real conversation about how we'd work together. But I didn't want to be the difficult one....
Dear Reader, How do you know whether the group you're speaking to is engaged or not? Last week I was facilitating a workshop on the basics of facilitation for a new community. I asked a question. Silence. Everyone stayed on mute. I tried another prompt. More silence. But people had their cameras on and smiled—they were clearly engaged, just not speaking. I've written about the sound of silence in facilitation, and this week Yuko shares the Japanese perspective on it in the podcast. But last...
Dear Reader, Do you avoid difficult conversations? The 'constructive' feedback? The cancellation of an appointment? The ask for a raise? If so, what's the story you tell yourself when you do? What if they won't like me? What if they get angry? What if they push back or shut down or accuse me of making things bigger than they are? What if they dismiss what I say? What if they think I'm the problem? What if I actually am??? As I've observed not only my own responses but those of participants in...